Most of us live less risky professional lives. The mistakes we make may be painful but they're rarely life threatening. Sometimes, as with Wallenda, mistakes are indications that you've risked too much. From them, you can learn to calculate your own risk taking nature and potential.
Setbacks can show you what not to do again and teach you how to cope with and grow from failure. While you may never embrace failure wholeheartedly, you may find some truth in the cliché that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Having survived your losses, you may discover a newfound power within yourself. With that strength, you'll gain an opportunity to triumph.
When Eva Olson decided to leave her position as the executive director of Sculpture Chicago, a nonprofit art agency, she did so with an all important safety net. She had a one year employment contract to work as the marketing director for an upscale health spa that was still in the planning stages. A few months into the contract, though, the owner lost some of her investors (as well as the interest, enthusiasm and resources to follow through on the project). Employment contract notwithstanding, Olson's paycheck stopped.
While the lawyers haggle over the terms of the settlement, she has been forced to scramble for consulting work in order to stay financially solvent. Although she regrets the foul up of her contract, she does not regret her decision to leave her old administrative position in order to work more independently.
"The experience has taught me how resilient I can be when I need to" says Olson. "I have more confidence in myself now that I ever did before. I'm just beginning to discover what's re ally possible."
Then, when her next success arrives, it will be that much more satisfying to know just how thoroughly she earned and de serves it.
The following tips will help you benefit from the criticism you hear:
- Follow the Golden Rule. Accept criticism as you give it fairly and objectively.
- Get your ego out of the way. Criticism may hurt your pride or self esteem, but you still need to listen to it clearly. You can't do that if you're busy putting up defense mechanisms.
- Avoid catastrophic thinking. When you're paranoid about the consequences of a complaint, it's easy to fall into the trap of selective hearing. Try to keep your mind and ears open before jumping to conclusions. You haven't lost your job, customer, business or reputation yet. And by remedying the problem you've been alerted to, you'll be better able to prevent such disasters.
- Forgive yourself your imperfections. Just because you have a vocational blemish or two doesn't mean you aren't competent, successful or likable; it just means that you're human. There isn't a person alive who doesn't have room for improvement.
- Empathize with the messenger. To evaluate feedback fairly, try standing in the other person's shoes. How would the situation look from that perspective?
- Compare the current criticism to previous feedback. Ask yourself if there could be any truth to the criticism. Have you heard it before? Does it confirm (or negate) what you and the people you trust think about you?
- Evaluate the messenger. Are your criticizers in a position to know whereof they speak? Are they reliable? Are you aware of any hidden (or even political) agendas that might skew a messenger's vision?
- Check with others. If you aren't sure whether the criticism is valid, solicit a second opinion from someone you know will tell the truth.
- Don't give credit where credit's not due. If you disagree with the criticizer's viewpoint, you can acknowledge the feedback but not the liability (e.g., "Thanks for the input. I can't say I agree with your opinion, but I appreciate your concern").
- Do give credit where appropriate. When criticism proves valid, ask the person who identified the problem for suggestions on improving your performance.
- Create an action plan. After you've identified ways to fix the problem, establish some developmental goals for yourself, set incremental goals, and then monitor your progress regularly.
- Share your victories. If you've worked hard to "fix what ails you," you deserve a reward.
Thought Starter Worksheet
- What is your experience with failure so far?
- Are you afraid to fail?
- Does a fear of failure ever prevent you from trying new things?
- If you weren't afraid of failing, what would you do (or try to do)?
- When you were growing up, how did your parents handle your mistakes?
- As a youngster, were you overly critical of your own mistakes? If yes, do you know why?
- Do you have a low opinion of your own abilities?
- Do you suffer from low self esteem?
- Describe your biggest career failure.
- How did it make you feel to fail?
- Do you know why the failure occurred?
- Is there anything you could have done to prevent yourself from failing?
- Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?
- Do you know the difference between a small mistake and a big one?
- Do you have a tendency to take yourself too seriously?
- Can you think of a time in your life when you learned something important from failure that prevented you from making a similar mistake again?
- Of all the examples cited in this chapter, whom did you identify with the most?
- Of all the examples cited in this chapter, whom did you ad mire the most? Is there anything you can do to be more like that person?
- If you're overly fearful of failure, have difficulty accepting your own mistakes and/or have trouble recovering from career setbacks, have you considered working with a professional therapist to strengthen your resiliency?
