Have you ever said any of the following things with regard to your job?
"I have no right to complain. After all, I'm doing better than most people."
"There's nothing wrong. I just need a vacation."
"I couldn't do this well anywhere else."
"I love my work. The problem is my boss/spouse/kids/parents - but that'll change."
All of these commonly heard laments - and many others like them - are spoken by people who have fallen victim to what I call the "career cop-out syndrome."
Put simply, we put off things that may be distasteful or that lead to rejection. We find excuses not to take action. Rather than take charge of our careers, we cop-out.
I'm reminded of a young man I once saw in the lobby of a downtown office building in Chicago. He dejectedly leaned against the wall, staring at his shoes, cradling his attaché case. Whenever someone walked by, he would straighten up and walk about the lobby as if he were ready to conquer the world. Then, once again out of anyone's sight, he would again slump against the wall.
This man was waiting to make a sales call, but just couldn't bring himself to do it. "Yes," he could say in the presence of others, "I'm a dynamic person and a crackerjack salesman."
Inside, however, he was frightened, reluctant and probably not very happy. Rather than admit it, though, he put on his suit and tie and presented an image that wasn't true.
There are times, of course, when all of us genuinely do need a vacation. But I truly believe that in nine out of ten cases, rather than forcing ourselves to be honest about what we really want, we just take some form of cop-out.
How can you recognize the cop-out syndrome in yourself? With great difficulty, apparently. Most people don't recognize it until they're hit between the eyes with a 2 x 4 (i.e., fired). I suppose if you find yourself constantly repeating some of the lines I used at the outset, that's a sure sign. Or, if you keep telling yourself you're happy but you suffer from physical or emotional symptoms such as ulcers, insomnia, headaches, an inability to relax at work and constant brooding at home about things going on in the office, you might be suffering from the cop-out syndrome.
Highly competent people, I have found, are especially susceptible to this problem. As I've said before, there is intense ego identification with our jobs. What's more, when we're good at something, we're expected to like it no matter what. The more experience we amass, the stronger the societal pressure to stick with it. Besides, disliking one's job is simply not a socially accept able emotion.
On the other hand, people can be painfully aware of what's going on and find themselves unable to act on their feelings because they're afraid they can't do anything to change their predicament. They fall into what I call the "just-a" syndrome. You've heard it a thousand times, I'm sure. "I'm just a teacher." "I'm just a lawyer." "I'm just a housewife."
This is a particularly vicious cop-out in that people restrict their vision as to what they could be, settling instead for what they see as their "lot in life." They allow themselves to be dominated by their situation, rather than controlling it.
"It's a great company. Why would I want to leave? Besides, I'm just about due for a raise and/or promotion,"
This is yet another cop-out. And no matter how bad situations might get, people cop-out by telling themselves they are happy. They tell themselves that their field - and especially their company - is the best. But let's face it, though I believe in loyalty to one's company (and vice versa), in the final analysis we work only for ourselves.
Happiness is an elusive and intangible state of mind. But given the incredible choices open to all of us regarding career, there's simply no reason to proclaim happiness to others, then suffer in silence. Things can always be better. You can be perfectly happy in your job and career, or at least strive toward that as a goal.
And next time you hear yourself say, "The money's good, and it's a nice place to work," ask yourself if you really mean that or if you're just copping out. Force yourself to be honest.
