But there may come a time when the mentor relationship becomes a negative factor instead of a positive one.
For example, I recently spoke with a man who had been working with a mentor who seemed very supportive. The mentor was a top executive within the company and seemed to be grooming this man for advancement to upper management. But suddenly the relationship began to change. The executive began to criticize this man's performance. Previously his actions and decisions had been praised, but now they were corrected or overridden. This man was confused and hurt. Later, after he had left the company, he discovered that this was a typical scenario. The executive had had a series of protégés, all of whom were "golden boys" for awhile and then, for no clear reason, fell into disfavor and subsequently left the company.
This situation is a common one - more common than most people suspect. Mentors may turn against their protégés for several reasons. One is that they may suddenly realize that they have created their own competition. By teaching and guiding a promising employee, they often groom a viable replacement for themselves when they have no intention of moving on. When it becomes apparent that the subordinate is ready for bigger and better things, the mentor may become fearful of losing his or her job. Since the mentor is almost always more powerful, the protégé ends up leaving the company or transferring to another department.
Another, and I believe at least equally common, occurrence is for protégés to become "chesty" and give every single evidence that they believe they know more and are more capable than their mentors. This is a particularly bitter pill for the mentor who has put so much effort and so many hopes into the grooming of the subordinate.
A third reason is that a mentor may expect a protégé to develop certain talents or abilities, but finds that the protégé never lives up to expectations. Some protégés become so dependent on their mentors that they never develop their own initiative within the job responsibility. A good example of this is the individual who was told by her mentor, "You will never get a raise unless you ask for one," and yet never asked for a raise.
Another reason is that a wise mentor may realize that the relationship is no longer beneficial. Both mentor and protégé may be ready to move on to new responsibilities. This is similar to what happens between athletes and good coaches. There are many stories about Olympic-class athletes who start out with a coach and then after several years are told, "I have done all I can for you... you need a new coach."
Finally, the relationship between a mentor and a protégé may deteriorate because, although the mentor has an intellectual desire to see the protégé succeed, there is an emotional reluctance to risk having the protégé become visibly more competent.
None of this is to say that having a mentor is a bad idea. But if you are considering entering such a relationship - whether as the mentor or the protégé - identify your motives and expectations and understand the potential risks.
The biggest risk is the tendency for the protégé to believe that the mentor is a better, more capable person and will always be better and more capable. Constant negative comparison with a mentor destroys the atmosphere of respectful equality that should exist in the workplace. It can also destroy self-esteem,
So it's important to choose a mentor wisely, and to understand that mentor relationships change as people grow. If you find yourself in a mentor relationship that has soured, the best approach is usually to sit down with that person and discuss the situation openly.
In its best form, the mentor/protégé relationship is good for the people involved and for the company. The mentor has the satisfaction of passing along his or her wisdom and experience. The protégé receives valuable training and guidance. The company benefits from having two dedicated employees who are helping each other work more productively.
But it's important to realize that, as in all human relations, there is a potential negative result. The best way to avoid a negative result is to be careful and honest, and to treat a mentor as a professional resource without giving up personal autonomy and responsibility.
