An Inconvenient Spirit: Selling Your Haunted House

Summary: Selling a haunted house is a difficult proposition if the ghosts are particularly noisy or violent. Many home buyers eschew atmosphere for the dull life of the bright house or bungalow untenanted by a disturbed spirit. Therefore, fixing up your house to sell may involve various preparations to reduce the impact of ghosts, spirits, otherworldly emanations and other supernatural phenomena.

Selling a haunted house is a difficult proposition if the ghosts are particularly noisy or violent. Many home buyers eschew atmosphere for the dull life of the bright house or bungalow untenanted by a disturbed spirit. Therefore, fixing up your house to sell may involve various preparations to reduce the impact of ghosts, spirits, otherworldly emanations and other supernatural phenomena. Exorcism is one method of ridding oneself of a nuisance supernatural presence. However, it could be seen as discrimination and "supernaturalism", which could lead to the ghost's right to seek legal redress. Be aware that through adverse possession processes, the spirit may actually have legal rights to the house and mediation (as well as a medium) may be in order to resolve the conflict. One must be sensitive to the fact that many ghosts come from diverse religious belief systems that would make using a priest from a Christian background extremely offensive. More importantly, it may not work if there is a lack of belief. In the case of an atheist ghost, you may have to resort to a copy of "The Origin of Species" to help form your exorcism rite. Do not despair if exorcism does not work or, in the interests of equality, is not an option. There are other routes for the home seller with an inconvenient spirit. Many spirits are open to communication, but steps may have to be made to accommodate them. Rapping on the walls, table or doors may be the only mode of communication a spirit has and it is imperative to take all necessary steps to aid the corporeally-challenged in their quest for equal access to communication. It may help to engage the services of someone versed in Morse Code, as "yes" and "no" may not be precise enough to convey the particulars of a ghost's concerns. Try to have a seance with the ghost and attempt to impress upon it the importance of not creating an uncomfortable atmosphere until the sale is concluded. Mention the fact that if the house is not sold quickly, a reputation very quickly develops that makes it difficult to find buyers, not to mentioned the easily possessed or precocious children. If you can, have a copy of current real estate laws and related information for the specter to peruse; ensure that it knows that "pre-approved" does not mean "sold" and that it is wise to refrain from frightening new owners until it is certain that the house is transferred fully into their possession. If the spirit is resistant to all forms of communication and/or exorcism, extreme steps must be taken. If the house is exceptionally well-appointed and in a smallish community with low crime called "Sunnyvale" or "Friendlyville", there will usually be no problem finding a couple from the big city seeking a nice house in the suburbs or a bedroom community for their children and dog. The only problem with this strategy is that you will probably have to lower the price to some ridiculously low amount that would make any other home buyer suspicious. Don't worry. The family from the city probably won't even have a home inspection done.